In a previous post, we discussed how removing unnecessary words can help writers create clear, concise, and engaging content for a wide range of readers.
Shortening sentences is another helpful way to declutter text, especially when we have a limited word count for written materials such as blog posts or conference abstracts. By shortening sentences, we can meet word count requirements while making text simpler and easier to understand.
Let’s look at two examples.
1. The symptoms of the patient showed improvement.
Revision: The patient’s symptoms showed improvement.
Best revision: The patient’s symptoms improved.
To shorten this sentence, we removed the prepositional phrase “the symptoms of” and then changed the noun “improvement’ to the verb “improve.”
2. An increased mortality risk was observed.
Revision: We observed an increased mortality risk.
Best revision: The mortality risk increased.
To shorten this sentence, we replaced the passive voice with the active voice and changed the adjective “increased” to the verb “increase”.
As writers and editors, we should always be mindful of how we shorten sentences and ensure we don’t inadvertently change the meaning of what we’re trying to say. Shortening sentences may also change a document’s tone, so we need to pay attention to the voice and style that are being used.
The best practice is to prioritize clarity, with brevity coming in as a close second.
Want to learn more?
We explore clarity, brevity, and other language qualities in our self-study course, Introduction to Health Writing.
Discover our other blog posts on Writing and Editing.
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